Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
