we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
