Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
