Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
