upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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