what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
