just come out here and I will go home with you...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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