We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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