i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
