I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
