Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
