Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
