Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
