there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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