im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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