Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
