Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
