I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
