Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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