my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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