She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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