im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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