I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Congratulations! We have a period
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
