Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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