Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
