Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
