I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
