found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
