The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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