Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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