Im at strip club and am horny
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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