I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Panties = found
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
