Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
