No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
