You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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