I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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