i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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