Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
