i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
