i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
