There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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