i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
