I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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