I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
