mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
