My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
