You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
