My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
