My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
