Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
