I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
