I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
