You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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