so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
