the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
