Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
