She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
