i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
