And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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